Inbox
by katalyst159
Summary: What would happen if our favorite heroes--and villains--had Facebooks? Well... this! PWP- rated for possible later chapters. After all, it IS Facebook mixed with Harry Potter... I'll update if I finish something, but this is entirely just for fun!
1. Harry Potter's Inbox

What would happen if our heroes—and villains—had Facebooks? Well…. this!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, I'd be filthy rich and residing in a billion dollar castle on a private, many-acre estate somewhere very hoity-toity. I also don't own Facebook, who's messaging system I am unabashedly using.

**A/N:** This is all told in the e-mail format pretty much the one that Facebook uses to alert you of things such as invitations to groups, friends requests, tag requests, messages, wall posts, etc. I hope you like it!

Please note that this will be confusing for a bit. It's supposed to be. It's supposed to be the E-MAIL inbox. Not the Message inbox. Since the alert system is basically the same one Facebook uses there are going to be similarities. But honestly, to get everything in there I'm changing some stuff up. Those familiar to the Facebook system will notice these differences.

For this to make sense, read the subject titles.

"..." indicates different messages/e-mails/notifications.

* * *

**_Harry Potter's Inbox_**

...

Hermione Granger sent you a message.

Subject: About the horcruxes…

Hey, Harry… When are we going to get on that hunt you had in mind?

...

Luna Lovegood sent a message to the members of Dumbledore's Army.

Subject: The next meeting…

Hello all! Isn't this an ingenious way to keep in touch? I'm rather fascinated with the whole concept of the "internet" and it's inner workings. I wonder if this net can be used to catch Crumple-Horned Snorkacks? It would make a lot of sense. After all, I've never tried using the internet to catch one of them, so who's to say it wouldn't work! Would anyone happen to have an idea as how to go about using this internet to capture my elusive creatures?

...

Hermione Granger sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

Luna… What has your obsession with imaginary creatures to do with the next DA meeting?

And the Internet is not a literal net that you catch things with. It is a vast computer network linking smaller computer networks worldwide. The Internet includes commercial, educational, governmental, and other networks, all of which use the same set of communications protocols. It's also described as a network that links computer networks all over the world by satellite and telephone, connecting users with service networks such as e-mail and the World Wide Web. It's what allows us to communicate like this.

...

Luna Lovegood sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

Oh, yes, that's right. Well, I was thinking that we could meet tomorrow in the Room of Requirement.

...

Ron sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: About the horcruxes…

Yeah mate, I was wondering the same thing. I mean, you'll be locked up at the Dursley's for only a bit longer right? So when do you thing you'll be able to get away to the Burrow? We'll be able to get a lot more done once we're all together.

...

Neville Longbotton sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

Um… Luna… It's summertime. We aren't at school right now.

...

Luna Lovegood sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

Oh, is that why I haven't seen anyone around? That explains some things then.

...

Dark Lord Voldemort added you as a friend on Facebook. We need you to confirm that you are, in fact, friends with Dark.

...

* * *

**A/N: **In regards to Voldemort's friend request. It says "We need you to confirm that you are, in fact, friends with Dark" because it only ever says the person's first name at that part. The way I have it, Moldyshorts put "Dark" as his first name, "Lord" as his middle name, and "Voldemort" as his last name. You know, to get the whole effect. I don't think he'd use Tom Marvolo Riddle, do you?

As for why I had him sending Harry a friends request… Why not? This is fanfiction. Welcome to it.

Also, the definition of the Internet came directly from Dictionary dot com. The third part of it came from the dictionary on Microsoft Word 2003.

**QUESTION: **Who's Inbox next?  
Voldemort  
Hermione  
Fred/George (they share one)  
Other (specify please!)

I have stuff planned for each of them, but if you review to let me know which one to finish faster!


	2. Ron Weasley's Inbox

**A/N:** Okay, sorry, but I was on a roll! I wanted to get this one up so... Yeah. This one is basically making fun of a thread that you just want to stop. You know the ones.

OMG the idea of a News Feed is awesome! I'll probably have one every now and then between the inboxes. GREAT IDEA!

**Warning:** There's some strong language in this chapter... Just so you know...

* * *

_**Ron Weasley's Inbox**_

…

Harry Potter sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: About the horcruxes…

What the hell guys? I'm the fucking Boy Who Lived! Don't question me! My godfather _died_ damn it! Give me some pity!

…

Neville Longbottom sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

Wait, Luna. Are you at Hogwarts all by yourself?

…

Hermione send a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

No, she can't be. How would she be able to work a computer? There's too much magic in the air at Hogwarts for Muggle electronics to work. Honestly! Am I the only one here who has actually read_ Hogwarts, a History_?

…

Harry Potter sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

YES!

…

Fred Weasley sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

BOOX FTW BWAHAHA

ahem

Yes, Hermione, yes you are.

…

George Weasley sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

I agree, twin-o-mine! The dear lady is the only one who has read that stuffy old thing.

…

Hermione Granger sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

Okay, guys, I get it.

…

Lee Jordan sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

ive nvr pickd tht book up n my life!

…

Neville Longbottom sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

Um, sorry Hermione, but I haven't read it.

…

Lavender Brown sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

who reads anyway?

…

Hermione Granger sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

You can stop now…

…

Dean Thomas sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

Oh, I've read it!

…

Hermione Granger sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

Really?!

…

Dean Thomas sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

No. SIKE!

…

Seamus Finnegan sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

LAWL! GOOD 1 DEAN!

…

Hermione Granger sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

Okay. I get it. You can really stop now!

…

Harry Potter sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: The next meeting…

GRAH I'M CAPS LOCK HARRY AND I SAY STOP CLUTTERING MY INBOX WITH YOUR STUPID ASS MESSAGES AND YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME CUZ I'M EMO I SAW DUMBLEDORE DIE PITY ME MY FAMILY HATES MY GUTS PITY ME I DESERVE SOOOOO MUCH MORE THAN THAT MALFOY ARSEFACE BECAUSE I'M NOT A PONCY GIT PITY ME THE ABUSE I'VE SUFFERED AT THE HANDS OF MY UNCLE AND COUSIN IS GROSSLY EXAGGERATED IN FANFICTION SO PITY ME I SAW CEDRIC DIE PITY ME EVERYTHING'S ALL MY FAULT I HAVE NO REAL FRIENDS PITY ME I'M THE FUCKING BOY FUCKING WHO FUCKING LIVED SO LISTEN TO ME AND I CAN BE AS PROFANE AS I WANT BECAUSE I SAW CEDRIC DIE MY GODFATHER DIE AND DUMBLEDORE DIE IN THREE CONSECUTIVE YEARS MY LIFE IS A HELLHOLE SO STOP BEING RETARTED AND PITY ME YOU MOTHER FUCKERS I HATE YOU ALL BUT YOU ALL LOVE ME SO PITY ME AND PUT ME UP ON A PEDESTAL SO I CAN GRIPE AND MOAN ABOUT ITWHEN REALLY I LOVE GETTING ALL THE ATTENTION JUST LIKE I SECRETLY LOVE DRACO MALFOY THE LAWS OF GRAMMAR DO NOT APPLY TO ME SO PITY ME

…

Ginevra Molly Weasley added you as a friend on Facebook. We need you to confirm that you are, in fact, friends with Ginevra.

…

Thank you for accepting Genevra Molly Weasley as your friend.

...

Ginevra Molly Weasley wrote on your Wall:

"hey bro! what's hapenin?"

…

* * *

**A/N:** By the way... BOOX Books in FredSpeak.

And the question is still open!

Voldemort  
Fred/George  
Hermione  
Other (specify)

And no, that _totally _was _not_ a shameless self insertion...


	3. News Feed

**A/N:** For this News Feed, the most recent is at the bottom, not the top. And imagine that this is Hogwarts' News Feed... Like... Hogwarts has a Facebook too. Because it totally would... totally...

**Warning:** More strong language in this chapter from our... ahem... Golden Boy. And some stereotyping. No offense meant to anyone!

+heart+ is the full heart and /heart/ is the broken heart. It won't let me do the arrow. :(

(...) are the Wall signs.

* * *

**_News Feed_**

* * *

+ Katalyst is now friends with Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Ginevra Molly Weasley, Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnegan, Lavender Brown, Pavarti Patil, Padma Patil, Daphne Grengrass, James Potter, That Girl With The Last Name Of "Moon" Who Got Sorted Into Slytherin In The First Book And Was Never Heard From Again, Hannah Abbot, Cho Chang, Dark Lord Voldemort, Sirius Black, Matoaka Wilde, Psychic Powers, Rubeus Hagrid, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, William Weasley, Charles Weasley, Sweet Little Nightmares, Percival Weasley, Penelope Clearwater, Hogwarts, Lucius Malfoy, That Random Hufflepuf Chick Who Got Sorted In The First Book But We Never Heard From Her Again Either, Draco Hawtness Malfoy, Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Albus Dumbledore, Tonks Tonks, Blaise Zabini, Lily Evans, Tom Riddle Sr., Seriously Kelsey, Merope Gaunt, Dolores Umbridge, Cornelius Fudge, Madam Bones, Honey's Child, Narcissa Malfoy, Earnie MacMillan, Colin Creevy, Angelina Johnson, Katie Bell, Fleur Delacour, Firenze, Justin Finch-Fletchly, Oliver Wood, Pansy Cow Parkinson, Viktor Krum, Zacharias Smith, Gabrielle Delacour, Dobby, Dudley Dursley, Albus Severus Potter, Scorpius Hawtness Malfoy, Malfoy's Unnamed Wife, Hugo Weasley, James Potter II, Nearly Headless Nick, Rowena Ravenclaw, Teddy Remus Lupin, Lily Potter II, and a helluva lot of other people NOT Harry potter.

* * *

(...) Harry Potter wrote on Katalyst's Wall:

"WTF? You add fucking Umbridge but not me?

HOW THE HELL DID YOU ADD MY PARENTS? THEY'RE DEAD!

What the hell... DOBBY? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?

YOU DIRTY ROTTEN LITTLE BI..."

* * *

/heart/ Harry Potter and Ginevra Molly Weasley ended their relationship.

* * *

+heart+ Ginevra Molly Weasley went from being Single to In a Relationship.

* * *

(...) Harry Potter wrote on Ginevra Molly Weasley's Wall:

"dirty skank"

* * *

(...) Ginevra Molly Weasley wrote on Harry Potter's Wall:

"Man Whore. I think we all know who you were sleeping with behind my back!"

* * *

(...) Dark Lord Voldemort wrote on Katalyst's Wall:

"Yo yo yo! SUP HOMIE? long tyme no speak yo. We totally need to go check a movie or sumtin soon ya heard!!11!"

* * *

(...) Katalyst wrote on Dark Lord Voldemort's Wall:

"This is the last time I'm going to tell you Voldy. You're white. No, not just white. Your skin has no pigmentation at all. You have no color to your body whatsoever. So stop. Talking. Like. That."

* * *

-- Dark Lord Voldemort added "Harry and the Potters" to his favorite music.

* * *

+ Dark Lord Voldemort added Katalyst as a friend.

* * *

(...) Ron Weasley wrote on Ginevra Molly Weasley's Wall:

"Why the hell did you split up with Harry?

and

JUST WHO THE HELL ARE YOU DATING NOW?

YOU MY LITTLE SISTER HAVE A LOT OF EXP..."

* * *

(EVENT) 17 of your friends are attending Massive Dark Revel #87.

* * *

**A/N: **Before anyone says anything, yes, it is Tonks Tonks. It's supposed to be like that. She hates her first name and everyone calls her Tonks, so... She put it as her first and last name.

As always, let me know what you think and who's Inbox I should do next. Any ideas for message threads, Wall posts, Photo Album titles, anything at all is greatly appreciated! If I use your idea, I'll mention you in the AN at the end, so...

The News Feed idea was from MatoakaWilde, so props to you! Thanks!

On a general note: The chapters will be really short unless I have a lot to go on for that one character... So there's more incentive to review! Give me ideas to write so that half the bulk of the update won't be Author Notes!

8D  
Katalyst  
(That's a smiley face, by the by.)

* * *

**Coming Soon:** "Dark is online now."

* * *


	4. Dark Lord Voldemort's Inbox

**A/N: **You asked for it, now here it is! AND UP SO SOON AFTER THE LAST ONE!

**Disclaimer: **Words in Draco's message belong to Draco and the Malfoys.

**Warning:** Hint of slash in this chapter. :heart: SLN!

**Symbols:  
**... Transition between notifications  
(p) Picture  
(...) Wall  
+ Friend  
+heart+ Relationship  
/heart/ End Relationship

* * *

**Voldemort's Inbox**

...

(p) Lucius Malfoy commented on your photo in your album Dark Revel #87:

"Oh, I remember that!

LET GO OF MY WIFE YOU SADISTIC BASTARD!

heheheheheheeehhhh

Good times. Good times..."

...

+ Harry Potter has accepted your friend request and wrote on your Wall:

"1way or another im gona find ya im gona

GETCHA GETCHA GETCHA GETCHA

1way maybe nxt week im..."

...

Walden McNair sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: Sexual Harassment in the Workplace

"Now Severus. This thread is so we can put our issues with our colleagues out in the open and give help and support to those who need it. I don't think that calling someone a 'Blast-Ended Skank' is going to help the matter at all.

So, please. Calmly and in clear, complete sentences, tell us your problem."

...

Severus Snape sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: Sexual Harassment in the Workplace

"Fine. Whatever.

Lucius, I do not appreciate it when you sneak up behind me and whisper all the unspeakable things that you wish to do to/with my body.

Please, for the sake of my sanity, stop."

...

Walden McNair sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: Sexual Harassment in the Workplace

"Good good.

Now, Lucius, tell us what you have to say about this situation."

...

Lucius Malfoy sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: Sexual Harassment in the Workplace

"LOL n00b!"

...

Severus Snape sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: Sexual Harassment in the Workplace

"YOU SEE WHAT I PUT UP WITH"

...

Bellatrix Lestrange sent a message in reply to a thread.

Subject: Sexual Harassment in the Workplace

"cackle ickle sevvie is a TOTAL n00b!"

...

(p) Katalyst tagged you in her album "Birthday in Disney"

...

(...) Salazar Slytherin wrote you your Wall:

"...You fail. Epically."

...

Draco Malfoy sent you a message.

(no subject)

"Voldemort, I think that you are freaking awesome."

...

Moaning Myrtle nominated you for a Superlative!

"Guy Most Likely To Wander Into The Girl's Bathroom"

...

Gellert Grindlewald invited you to join the group Dark Lords Anonymous.

"We're the not-so-anonymous group designed to rehabilitate Dark Lords past, present, and future!"

* * *

**A/N:** I drew a picture of me and Voldy in Disney! If you want to see it, there's a link on my profile.

As usual, tell me who you want next! I have nothing new on the way right now, so all help is appreciated!


End file.
